Friendships are one of the most complex concepts we experience in day-to-day life. They take time, effort and communication to work through conflicts and issues when they arise.
Now, this doesn’t mean friendships aren’t one of the most beautiful relationships to experience in life either. My friends truly keep me going and are my biggest support system.
I bring up the complexity because of the keyword – conflict. We all have it because we all have different values, views and opinions.
That is all a part of life, and we shouldn’t be ashamed of that! The problem presents itself when we make the mistake of saying “ok” when it really isn’t ok.
Have you ever wanted to go to a Mexican restaurant for dinner when your friend chooses an Italian restaurant? In most cases, people just agree instead of advocating for what they want.
Why is that the case? And why are there so many variations of saying “ok” when it is not ok, further making communication that much harder?
“When I am with someone who I’m more comfortable with, I typically say something along the lines of, ‘Honestly, I’m not super comfortable with that, but I’m open to anything, ’” said Bella Lopez, a junior physics major.
Students like Lopez are on the right track with the idea of honesty. Honesty leads to transparency, open communication and a sense of understanding for future choices or conversations.
Another part of the argument is the idea of comfort. People can’t be as honest if they aren’t comfortable or have built up trust with that other person. Why? There is fear and risk of losing a friendship or causing more conflict in the process.
“I handle conflict with friends by bringing up the topic after I see nothing is getting resolved for a couple of days,” said Taylor Justice, a sophomore exercise science major. “I hate making a situation worse if it doesn’t have to be.”
I add a new perspective to the discussion: What if this determines who our real friends are?
Many students have this goal to “find themselves.” If we are finding ourselves, we are finding our real friends in the process.
Are they really your real friends if you are hesitant to share your real thoughts, ideas and emotions? Where does that comfort, trust and open communication begin if you can’t start being yourself by voicing your true opinion?
I think we all know the answer. Society has progressed into a generation that is kinder and more thoughtful in our words and actions.
“Always be kind,” said Jorja Mackenzie, a sophomore mass communication major. “Kindness is important to keeping relationships.”
However, with kindness, do we lose the genuineness of our character by not saying how we feel and being decisive on a choice with the risk of disagreeing with the other person in a conversation?
I believe, like with any sort of ideology, there is a balance. Having intuition with certain social situations to advocate for what you want and be true to yourself, adding in a bit of kindness and consideration for the other person will lead you to independence while being thoughtful to your friends the next time conflict or a disagreement arises.
So, how do we put this into action? Staying open-minded and considerate.
“I typically think I can be a bit of a people pleaser, so often I like to hear what my friends’ thoughts are, and to validate feeling that way,” Lopez said. “I then like to express my thoughts and see if we can see eye to eye on it, but if not, I respect their thoughts and know they do the same.”
Respect and understanding also play a huge factor. Without respect, trust cannot be formed.
“In conflict, I try to work it out and see both sides of the arguments,” Mackenzie said. “It helps to communicate and understand the problem as opposed to ignoring it.”
The foundation of any strong friendship lies in honest communication and mutual respect, allowing us to navigate conflicts rather than avoid them.
Friendships may be complex, but they are also invaluable relationships that enrich our lives.
These relationships enrich our lives by creating outlets, bonds and a unique support system beyond superficiality.
Surface-level conversations and relationships may be appropriate for professional and academic settings, whereas in friendships, you want to have someone to rely on and be there for you for all the ups and downs of life.
With the ups and downs come hard conversations and sometimes conflict. From miscommunications to disagreements, healthy relationships are ones where individuality shines compared to conformity to agree with your partner for fear you may upset them.
You grow from conflict in relationships 99% of the time and continue to learn from mistakes to constantly be improving. It is all a part of the process to be a great friend, and it takes time!
As we strive to discover our true selves, it becomes increasingly important to cultivate relationships where openness is welcomed and valued. By embracing our authentic selves and engaging in thoughtful discussions, we can foster deeper connections that withstand disagreements.
The balance between kindness and honesty can lead us to not only strengthen our friendships but also build a community where differing opinions are respected.
Going forward, let us strive to communicate more transparently, advocate for our needs and support one another through the inevitable highs and lows of these complex relationships we share.