King of the Commode: The Top Five Bathrooms on Campus

Where to Go When You Gotta Go

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Eric Boyd | Editor-In-Chief

Maybe you’re a sorority girl whose breakfast consists of nicotine and iced coffee, which creates the kind of intestinal time bomb that makes this list surprisingly relevant.

Maybe you’re tired of reading the school’s gossip on the A&S bathroom stalls and are looking to switch things up.

Perhaps you just need a good place to do your business and scroll Tik Tok.

Whatever use you have for this list, we all deserve to have those five-or-so minutes in relaxation, so why compromise for a bathroom that allows for anything less?

Don’t fret. I’ve done the thinking for you, and after extensive research, compiled a list of the top five bathrooms on campus.

 

5: First floor Atkinson
This bathroom has an ornate ambiance that takes on the personality of the business classes in the building. I almost expected an elderly gentleman in a suit to be standing at the sink ready to offer
me fancy cologne or some chewing gum.

Grey tile drapes the floor and walls. Diamond-patterned glass decorates the mirrors adjacent to chrome and white-glass light fixtures that add to the room’s modern style.

This bathroom’s best feature is its singular stall which comes equipped with its own sink and mirror.

The cleanliness and modern design are its best selling points. The downside of this bathroom is its high level of foot traffic, no way to dry your hands next to the sink and the one stall has an awkward locking mechanism.

 

4: Third floor Parks Hall
While I enjoyed my visit to this bathroom, I couldn’t shake the feeling that since it is directly across the hall from the president’s office, I was trespassing in his private bathroom. The fact that there was only one stall and one urinal only added to my trepidation.

However, my risk was met with sufficient reward as the bathroom was exceptionally clean and features a lot of natural light.

The highlight of this bathroom isn’t actually the room itself but the hallway leading to it. High-end sofas line one side of the hallway while avant-garde art installations stand on the other. The result was an atmosphere that told me I was in for a pleasant experience.

 

3: Second floor Beeson Hall
This bathroom holds bragging rights for the fanciest bathroom on campus, hands down. It features high ceilings, marble floors and fancy overhead light fixtures.

The sink comes complete with both paper towels and top-of-the-line Dyson hand dryers.

A ginormous mirror combined with the high ceilings makes the room feel much larger than it is.

The bathroom comes equipped with one urinal and one massive stall. The stall has its own window that spans nearly the entire length of the wall, allowing for a lot of natural light to pour in. It even has that little railing next to the toilet in case things get dicey.

This bathroom boasts an immaculate style only rivaled by its own practical advantages: superior cleanliness, natural light, practicality and low foot traffic.

 

2: Third floor Terrell Hall
The university renovated Terrell Hall last year, so its luxuries are brand new.

At first glance, its bathroom doesn’t appear in any way special. It’s clean and nice enough in style, but nothing jumps out as worthy of placing this bathroom at number two on the list.

What sets Terrell apart from every other bathroom on this list is that it doesn’t have a stall — it has a private room.

A bathroom can be superb in style and cleanliness, but if you and the stranger in the room have to share in the awkward sounds of business being conducted, how can you truly relax? Terrell solves that problem and permits total privacy.

The luxury of peace and quiet surpasses ornate light fixtures and natural light in value, making this bathroom a deserving number two.

 

1: First floor Porter Hall
All the other bathrooms try to emulate something out of the Four Seasons. The bathroom on the first floor of Porter Hall couldn’t be more distant on the other end of the spectrum.

It’s guerilla warfare on everything you thought you wanted from a bathroom.

The inside of the small, private room is painted to look like the hillside of a quaint Italian villa. Every aspect of the room fully commits to the gimmick, slapping you in the face with such a bizarre tendency breaker that you’ll think you’re tripping on LSD.

The floor is painted cobblestone. Rolling green hills cascade the walls and feature red-roofed houses. A cobblestone archway drapes across the door over a bright blue sky. The ceiling is painted sky blue with dotted white clouds.

Actual columns jut out from the wall into the room, giving the illusion of a 3D presence. Artificial grapes hang from the ceiling over a painting of a bottle of wine.

What the bathroom lacks in traditional metrics it compensates for in pure shock value. Its creative gamble pays off.

First floor Porter Hall holds the title of best bathroom on campus.